


Beep Beep!!

by AOrange



Series: Fruity Rumpus Afterlife Road Trip [25]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Driving Lessons, Gen, Sibling Bonding, can be read independently of series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 08:39:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/924217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AOrange/pseuds/AOrange
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John takes the spare car for a drive on LOWAS. Jade is, understandably, hesitant, but it all works out well in the end - even though the car does end up on fire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beep Beep!!

You do not think this is a good idea. You tell your brother as much but all he does is laugh and brush off your concerns with a wave of his hand because of course he thinks this is a good idea because he does not know the meaning of a bad idea. In the last week alone you've been witness to him almost slicing his finger off because he wanted to prove that he could cook as well as bake, which he cannot. He's slipped on the deck of the ship after spending so many consecutive hours in the air he forgot how to use his legs. Only this morning you had to watch him accidentally release a full deck of cards into his face and it was only his glasses that stopped him from losing an eye. 

John is not interested at all in your concerns even when you repeat his ever-growing list of mishaps.

JOHN: those things could have happened to anyone!  
JOHN: there isn't anything to worry about jade, really.   
JOHN: i've done all of the math on this and i promise there isn't a single thing left to worry about.   
JADE: im fairly sure there is!   
JOHN: no there's not, i am a fully licenced driver now, jade. see?

You sniff suspiciously at the little card when he holds it out of the driver's side window. It is definitely suspicious and even though you are not one hundred percent sure how teenagers living in America get drivers licences, you do not think that they are usually hand-drawn on the back of coasters. 

JADE: did you spell washington wrong??   
JOHN: no.  
JOHN: dammit!   
JADE: and your teeth dont look like that they are much bigger than you drew them   
JOHN: it's an interpretation.   
JADE: you wrote your address as prospitan battle ship   
JOHN: this is kind of where we live now   
JADE: but you made it a washington licence!!   
JOHN: interpretation!   
JADE: and i dont think you are anywhere near six feet tall   
JOHN: are you coming or not

He frowns at the involuntary bark you give in response and he watches as you walk around his Dad's spare car and slip into the passenger's seat. You close the door with what you presume to be too much force because John is glaring at you in a way that says you closed the door with too much force. 

JOHN: you didn't need to close the door with so much force.   
JADE: well im sorry that i dont remember ever being in a car before now!!   
JOHN: oh yeah, i forgot about that. how did you get around your island?   
JADE: well i didnt really have roads to navigate so a car would have been very much a hindrance  
JADE: and its not like i had to go to stores or anything!  
JADE: mostly i walked but sometimes when i was smaller i would ride bec  
JADE: and even when i was bigger i guess  
JADE: but my island was not really that big john i didnt have to drive anywhere   
JOHN: wow.  
JOHN: i was going to ask if you wanted a turn after me but i dont know if im exactly comfortable with you driving  
JOHN: what with never seeing a car before and all.   
JADE: i have seen cars!!  
JADE: ive just never really been in them   
JOHN: you should put your seatbelt on.   
JADE: oh okay  
JADE: where is it??

You cannot see any belts in this car. Belts were never a thing that you wore even though you could have if you'd wanted to since Grandpa had left so many behind. Adventurers need belts because having their pants slip down at an inconvenient time could be the difference between life and death, and you're sure Grandpa not only wore a belt but kept numerous spares on him at all times. He was always prepared for adventure. You're pretty sure John hasn't been wearing belts lately either because your God-tier outfits fit perfectly and you've always assumed that John's do as well. It would be silly for the universe to make you these outfits and then not have them fit properly. What use is a God-tier if his pants are always slipping down at inopportune moments in his adventure? No God-tier that you'd want to meet, that's for sure. 

John laughs at you for almost jumping out of your skin when you see him waving from outside your window. He makes some kind of gesture and points towards the door and you look from him to the inside of the door and back to him, but now he's making some whirling gesture with his hand. Your eyebrows furrow and he just huffs at you then opens the door. 

JOHN: you were supposed to wind the window down and then i could pretend i was the speaker box at wendys.   
JADE: whos wendy??   
JOHN: its a takeout place.   
JADE: but why were you going to be a speaker box?   
JOHN: it was going to be funny thats why.   
JADE: are you sure??   
JOHN: yeah. i know funny, jade.   
JADE: is it because you have to look at that face in the mirror every morning?   
JOHN: jeez jade that was unnecessary.   
JADE: sorry :D   
JOHN: no you're not.   
JADE: youre right im not  
JADE: why are you standing there anyway??  
JADE: i am fairly sure you cant drive the car from there   
JOHN: you were thinking about pants belts when i said seatbelt, weren't you?   
JADE: no!   
JOHN: it's here.  
JOHN: no, move your hands.  
JOHN: you're making this so difficult!

He's fiddling with the black strap hanging from the inside of the car above your shoulder. You don't exactly know what he's doing but you sit as still as you can, even when the belt scratches your neck, until he is done leaning over you to somehow make the seatbelt stay where it should be. He grins, slams the door, and then floats up and over the car and lands back beside the still-open driver's side door. He clambers in and does up his own seatbelt - there's a clip, you realise, and when you go to examine your own, he swats your hand away - and then he finally closes his door. 

JOHN: okay.  
JOHN: let's get this show on the road!  
JADE: its more of a path really  
JOHN: whatever.

He looks confused for a moment as he stares at the steering wheel, then looks up, then back to the wheel, then over at you, and finally back to the wheel again. 

JOHN: dammit!!  
JADE: what!!!  
JOHN: i forgot that i don't have the keys for this thing.  
JADE: do you really need them?  
JOHN: pretty much. unless you know how to hotwire a car.   
JADE: i dont think i do no  
JADE: but i could try!  
JADE: im sure it wouldnt be that hard to work out!  
JOHN: are you serious?  
JADE: yeah  
JOHN: do you know where to look?  
JADE: no do you  
JOHN: no, that's why i asked you!  
JADE: oh  
JADE: well do you have any idea where to look?  
JOHN: i dunno. in movies they always look sort of down there, under the steering wheel. there's wires down there but that's all i know.  
JADE: that doesnt sound too hard!  
JADE: oof!

You are trapped in the car. 

John leans over and unclicks your seatbelt and the buckle goes flying upwards and almost hits you in the face. So of course he laughs and unclips his own seatbelt, which does not almost hit him because he knows what to expect and guides the belt back into place. By the time you're out of the car and have walked around to his side again, he's hovering cross-legged about a foot off the ground. 

JOHN: good luck!   
JADE: thanks but this shouldnt be too hard   
JADE: what else do you know from movies??   
JOHN: not much. something about wires and then the car starts   
JADE: how will i know when its working??   
JOHN: you'll know.

There's not really much to see under the steering wheel except for a lot of plastic so you don't know what kind of movies John's been watching but clearly they are all full of lies. 

JADE: you said there supposed to be wires!!   
JOHN: isn't there wires?   
JADE: not that i can see   
JOHN: huh. i dunno. maybe they're behind the plastic?   
JADE: john do you think that maybe the wires are hidden because youre not supposed to play with them?   
JOHN: but it happens in all the movies!   
JADE: lots of things happen in movies that dont happen in real life!   
JOHN: like getting sucked into a video game that kick starts the apocalypse and kills us all?   
JADE: yes like that  
JADE: oh  
JADE: actually that was kind of funny :D   
JOHN: that one wasn't a joke!  
JOHN: we really got sucked into a video game and died.   
JADE: yeah  
JADE: but we are not dead now!   
JOHN: unless we are ghosts!   
JADE: we are very much alive john!  
JADE: do you have a flashlight?   
JOHN: no.   
JADE: i cant see anything here!  
JADE: and i cant even see any wires  
JADE: maybe you should have remembered you didnt have the keys before you got excited about driving this car!!!   
JOHN: well im sorry i forgot!   
JADE: you should try to remember things like that because they are usually important!  
JADE: oh!   
JOHN: are you okay?  
JOHN: now that i think about it sometimes people get electrocuted trying to hotwire cars.  
JOHN: but they have usually found the wires first.  
JOHN: you can't get electrocuted without wires.   
JADE: i know that you dumbass!!  
JADE: i think i found the wires!!!   
JOHN: finally.   
JOHN: hey don't bark at me, you're the genius. i'm surprised it took you this long!   
JADE: grrr!

When you realise that you are growling at your brother you try to stop, even if he does kind of deserve it. Instead you shift slightly to try and let a little more light in but you don't think that is something that is even possible, considering that you are sitting on the ground beside the car with your head stuck under the steering wheel. No matter what angle you look at it from you can't see any of the wires and you don't exactly feel like sticking your hand in there blindly. 

John is blabbering on about something and you're only half listening because you've finally been able to slip a few wires down and out so that you can look at them, not that looking at them tells you what they do. You assume there are wires that will start the car if they touch, but if that is the case then there are probably also wires that should not touch ever because if they do the person making them touch will probably die a slow and painful death. You do not want to be the person that makes the death wires touch. 

JOHN: look for the red ones.   
JADE: what??   
JOHN: look for red wires!   
JADE: how do you know that now?   
JOHN: i googled it.    
JADE: oh okay  
JADE: did you find a proper guide or something???   
JOHN: kind of. it's mostly just guys talking about how cool they are for hotwiring cars.   
JOHN: oh look, there's a wikihow.   
JADE: cool!!  
JADE: is it useful??   
JOHN: bluh bluh red wires.  
JOHN: then a brown wire?  
JOHN: um, look for red wires. yeah, that's what this says. find some red wires and tie them together and then touch them with the brown wire. can you figure it out from that?   
JADE: yes john that is super helpful!   
JOHN: okay cool, you're welcome.   
JADE: it wasnt really helpful at all  
JADE: i can only see one red wire   
JOHN: fuck.   
JADE: what do i do if i can only find one but your guide says there should be two??   
JOHN: look harder.   
JADE: john!   
JOHN: well i don't know anything about cars! my dad never really taught me because he didn't know much about cars either, except how to wash them really well.   
JOHN: and you are super smart so you should be able to figure it out!   
JADE: maybe if you were more helpful!   
JOHN: well look at the pictures then?

His crosbytop is sitting on his lap, facing you, with the admittedly vague instructions up on the screen. You frown at it because whoever wrote this guide clearly did not intend for anyone that knew absolutely nothing about cars to understand it. That is probably because someone who knows nothing about cars should not be trying to start a car without the keys. 

JADE: that picture looks nothing like the car actually does   
JOHN: fuck. i really wanted to drive it.

You shift around properly and sit with your legs crossed and watch your brother as he hovers closer to the ground and then drops the last two inches, landing on the rough ground opposite you with his own legs still crossed. He looks sad, you notice, genuinely sad and not the kind that he puts on when he just wants someone to do something for him, like the time he looked sad until Nanna had cleaned his bedroom for him. 

JADE: well i cant just figure it out if i cant even see what im doing!!  
JADE: i just need to find the second red wire though because i found the first one and i can see the brown one   
JADE: but without the second red one i cant do anything   
JOHN: did you really try?   
JADE: of course i tried!!!  
JADE: you put your head in there and see if you can see anything!!   
JOHN: okay, okay, jeez. i was just asking.   
JADE: no you were being an asshole!   
JOHN: no i wasn't.   
JADE: yes you were!!  
JADE: bark!  
JADE: john dont laugh at me i am serious!!!   
JOHN: i'm sorry but it's still funny when you bark like that!   
JADE: well it shouldnt be because i am still learning to control it!!  
JADE: just like you are still learning to control when you are being an asshole!!!   
JOHN: i said i'm sorry!   
JADE: you didn't mean it though   
JOHN: yes i did, just because i was laughing at you for barking doesn't mean i'm not sorry about the other stuff!   
JADE: okay but next time i wont believe you   
JOHN: you said that six times ago.   
JADE: bark!   
JOHN: was that one on purpose?

It was not on purpose. You nod anyway and turn back to the car because now that you know there has to be a second red wire in there somewhere you are determined to find it. 

JADE: oh!!   
JOHN: oh god, what now?   
JADE: i cant believe i didnt think of this before!!!  
JADE: stand back!!

John's crosbytop snaps back into his sylladex as he jumps out of the way, hovering somewhere behind you as you focus on the car. Slowly, it grows, until it is large enough that you can sort of just fly in and stand below the steering wheel to get a better look. With the car as big as it now is there is much more light inside the cabin as well, which does make the whole thing a lot easier to navigate. John floats in and perches himself on the edge of the driver's seat, at least another eight feet above your head. 

JOHN: so?   
JADE: yes this is much easier john!  
JADE: wow there sure are a lot of wires in here!   
JOHN: don't touch the ones you're not supposed to.   
JADE: but what do they all do??   
JOHN: i don't know, that's why you shouldn't touch them!   
JADE: but i kind of want to know what they all do   
JOHN: maybe later!  
JOHN: right now we just need to start the car so i can drive it!  
JOHN: and i guess you can too if you want but you don't have a licence.   
JADE: neither do you!!   
JOHN: yes i do, i have a licence from washington. i showed you before.   
JADE: john that was not a real licence   
JOHN: well then the guy i paid for it ripped me off.   
JADE: you didnt buy it from davesprite did you??   
JOHN: no, i made it myself.   
JADE: thats even worse!   
JOHN: hey!   
JADE: oh!  
JADE: i think i found it!!!

Not only do you think you have found the right wire, but you have also figured out that now you can see what you are doing the entire problem seems to have vanished because it's not really that difficult of a challenge. 

You search through space and the wires shift and contort somewhere in your minds' eye and suddenly you can see the red wire. There. You know where it is and what it's hiding behind and you reach up above your head and tug at it, connect the reds, tap the brown against them and the engine roars to life. 

It roars. John screeches and covers his ears and then yours are ringing because it was just so sudden and you don't think either of you have ever heard such a loud noise before. You dive out of the car, shrinking the vehicle as you go. It's back to it's regular size - and volume - in seconds but John is sitting in the driver's seat looking at you with an unimpressed scowl. 

JADE: i figured it out!   
JOHN: i heard.

He doesn't stay mad for long and you assume it's because the car is working and now you both know that you can start it whenever you want and suddenly even you find yourself excited by the prospect of driving this thing. You let yourself slip away and reappear in the passenger's seat beside your brother, and this time you do up the seatbelt without his help. He grins over at you and it's that grin that's all in his eyes and you are a little bit sad that you never got to see him grin like that when the two of you were growing up. You have told him before that you wish you had grown up together, or had at least known about each other, because it would have been nice, you think, to have had a brother. 

You grin back because even though you didn't get to meet him in person until almost two years ago, you've got a brother now. 

The very same brother who you are not yet convinced should be behind the wheel of his Dad's spare car. 

You let out a small shriek when the car jerks forward, John's foot planting down on the accelerator. He tries again, more gently this time, and the car starts rolling.

JADE: not too fast john!!   
JOHN: i'm only doing ten miles an hour!   
JADE: it feels too fast!!   
JOHN: it's really not. there's nothing here for me to hit anyway.   
JADE: except for cliffs you could fall off or oil rivers we could drown in!   
JOHN: we aren't anywhere near the ocean jade don't worry so much.  
JOHN: fuck!   
JADE: oh god what happened???   
JOHN: the ground is pretty uneven i think?  
JOHN: it's okay.   
JADE: now you're going too fast!!!   
JOHN: look you can see how fast i'm going and i'm only going thirty so it's okay.  
JOHN: i don't know what the speed limits are on lowas.  
JOHN: do you think the salamanders care?   
JADE: i dont think they do unless you run them over   
JOHN: okay good.  
JOHN: i don't think i'll go much faster than this.

You are relieved to hear him say so. As far as you're concerned the car is going much faster than you're comfortable with even if John says it's not fast at all. You wonder how fast cars normally go in America and you do not think it would be safe to go any faster than you're already going. 

As John gains a little more confidence, he turns the car out onto a wide open path that looks like it goes on forever; neither of you can see the end of it. Well, you can, but it's a long way off, miles and miles away, and you think that it would take you more than an hour to get there. 

JOHN: there's a handle on your door that's got a sort of nobby bit at the end, near the top of the door.   
JADE: this one?   
JOHN: yep. turn it.   
JADE: why?   
JOHN: because.

You give him a look, but he just give you his best toothy grin, and you do trust him after all. You wind the handle and the window lowers and suddenly you have a face full of the warm LOWAS breeze and you can't help but grin back at your twin brother who is actually months younger than you. 

All you smell is earth and the air is warm and humid and it reminds you a little of your island but the smell is different, not that you mind. Your hair whips up and around your face and John is laughing at you for it because you never tie it back with anything and it is always in your face, but it is more in your face now than it has been so far during your time travelling with him. 

The driver's side window is lowered as well and the breeze is travelling all through the cabin and for a moment, a split second, John only has one hand on the steering wheel, but with a small flick of the wrist the wind settles and although you can still feel it brushing your cheeks, your hair is no longer in your eyes. It's still swishing around but any time a stray tendril of hair moves up towards your face the wind drags it back and flicks it up and behind your ears and you think that this might actually be a nice way to travel. 

JADE: how fast are you going now???   
JOHN: exactly thirty three miles an hour. it's not too fast for a car.   
JADE: it sounds a bit like it is!   
JOHN: it's fine! ths path is nice and flat and it looks like it goes on forever. does it go on forever?   
JADE: not quite forever but it does go a long way!   
JADE: it should take us hours to get there!   
JOHN: should we try to go right to the end??   
JADE: as long as you dont crash!!!

It's hard to keep up the conversation when the wind is trying to steal your words away and you both have to shout a little bit to hear each other. You close your eyes and focus for a moment because if you do not concentrate properly you are sure you will pick up the wrong CDs from the rack in John's bedroom and you do not want to be stuck listening to one of John's terrible CDs. You open your eyes and look at the discs now sitting in your lap and they are not so terrible, so you slip one into the CD player and sit back. 

JOHN: did my dad really have this cd in his car?   
JADE: no i got it from your bedroom!   
JOHN: were you going through my things again?   
JADE: no i picked it up just then!!  
JADE: didnt you see me reach out and grab it?   
JOHN: no, i was busy not crashing this car.   
JADE: oh!  
JADE: well i sort of just reached out in the direction of your house and picked it up   
JADE: and some others as well   
JOHN: well that's okay. you're lucky that you picked good ones.   
JADE: but you think that even bad cds are good ones!   
JOHN: that's not true because i don't have any bad cds.   
JADE: that is exactly the point!!  
JADE: you think theyre all good even when theyre not   
JOHN: i think we've had this conversation like eight hundred times before.   
JADE: probably!!

You know for a fact you have had this conversation numerous times before because you spend a lot of time at John's house and John's house is full of his things that are awful but he thinks they're amazing and you've had to tell him that not everyone likes everything that was ever created like he does. And then he reminds you that there are some things he hates and he tells you that you are the one who is too accepting of things and you should hate some more things, and it's usually about then that Nanna steps in and breaks up your argument. 

The wind is still whirling around your face and as nice as it is you have the sudden urge to kind of bite at it? It's almost like there's something there that you feel you should be trying to capture, even though you can't see it anywhere. That is a silly idea so you don't do it, because it would be a very strange thing to do and you think that it might just be some more of Bec's instincts showing because you don't know of any instance where a human has really tried to bite at something invisible in the wind. 

Instead, you fold your arms over the edge of the open window and rest your head on them, watching the blue mountains pass by in the distance. It's nice, it's definitely a nice way to travel. It's warm and the wind is still whipping your hair back so it trails along beside the car and wow, it got really long without you noticing and you tell John as much and he just tells you that maybe you would have noticed if you washed it properly more often. 

JADE: but it hasnt really been dirty!  
JADE: lofaf is a little bit muddy but we havent been there for over a month!!   
JOHN: jade you need to wash you hair its gross.   
JADE: no its not   
JOHN: it really is.   
JADE: its not!!   
JOHN: when did you last wash it?   
JADE: i dont know!   
JADE: the last time it got dirty!!  
JADE: when did you last wash your hair mr fussy mcfusserson???   
JOHN: this morning when i had a shower.   
JADE: oh  
JADE: thats why you smell like that   
JOHN: smell like what?   
JADE: too much soap   
JOHN: you can't smell too much like soap. that's like saying i smell too clean.   
JADE: it makes my nose itch   
JOHN: does it?   
JADE: a little  
JADE: but the breeze helps because it just smells like warm air!!   
JOHN: are you okay?   
JADE: of course i am okay john!!!

You do not know why he is asking that when you are clearly just fine. Your ears are twitching in the wind but they're not cold because you don't think it has ever really been cold on LOWAS, maybe a little less than warm but it certainly doesn't get as cold as LOFAF. You lift your head up from your arms and hang one of them outside the window, turning it over to let the breeze rush over your fingers and then John is scowling at you because apparently you are not supposed to stick your arms out of moving vehicles. 

JADE: why not??  
JADE: its nice!  
JOHN: because a truck will come along and take your arm off, everyone knows that.  
JADE: john there are no trucks here   
JADE: we are lucky that your dad kept a spare car or you would not have had the captcha for it!!  
JADE: nothing is going to happen!!  
JOHN: do you want to drive?  
JADE: what???  
JOHN: do you want a turn? it's not that hard, all you really have to do is hold down the accelerator. there's not even that much steering you have to do out here. it's pretty much all a straight line.   
JADE: no i dont think so!  
JADE: you keep driving since you are doing an excellent job!!!  
JOHN: am i?  
JADE: well you havent killed us yet john!  
JADE: we should do this again though  
JOHN: what, drive the car?  
JADE: well you seem to have picked it up rather quickly so yes driving the car again is something we could do!  
JOHN: but you thought this was a bad idea and that we we're gonna die.  
JADE: well we are not dead yet and i think that we should go on a road trip now that you can drive!!  
JOHN: where to?  
JADE: i dont know  
JADE: we can go anywhere!  
JADE: well anywhere as long as i have that exact anywhere in my pocket  
JOHN: well, we've already seen lowas. where do you want to go?  
JADE: just pick somewhere john!!!

Now you're excited. You've seen road trips in movies and they always did look like fun. You think that this is the best way to use John's new skill, for sure. Your arm is out the window again because you are certain there is nothing out there that will slice it off and besides the breeze is still very nice against your skin. You turn to your brother who looks like you've just offered him the universe, which you kind of have, but you should have remembered that he does get a little overwhelmed when there are too many choices in front of him. 

He has definitely been offered too many choices. 

JOHN: your island was pretty tropical, wasn't it?   
JADE: it was very much tropical since it was in the tropics!!   
JOHN: duh.    
JADE: well you asked!   
JOHN: let's go to lohac. it'll be warm there.   
JADE: hold on!!!

It's not hard to reach out and find LOHAC. You're always somewhat aware of its presence, kind of like a nagging thought. It's just there. It's the same with the other planets. They're all kind of just there until you need them and then when you do, well, you just concentrate and kind of grab the thought and it turns into something tangible. John is watching, fascinated, as the terrain beneath the car turns from deep blue paths winding up around the mountains to something brighter, warmer, something more like lava and - 

JADE: oh no!!!!

Your left arm snaps out and grasps John's wrist and before either of you can blink you're outside the car. You almost drop out of the air but John steadies you and together you watch as the car falls from the sky, engine still running, and lands somewhere in the lava below. 

JADE: whoops!  
JADE: that was close!   
JOHN: close? jade, we almost ended up in lava! why didn't you put us down on some ground?   
JADE: i guess there isnt any!  
JADE: i thought there might be on a different part of lohac but it must all be lava   
JOHN: well it's a lava planet.   
JADE: but lava usually comes out of the ground and its not normally just being the ground   
JOHN: dammit!   
JADE: what??  
JADE: we didnt die!!!  
JADE: i know i said something bad would happen if we drove the car  
JADE: and this is very much my fault  
JADE: so i dont know if that counts!!   
JOHN: no, my cds were in there!!!!!!!!  
JOHN: and i don't have captchas for them!   
JADE: im sorry!   
JOHN: you're lucky you didn't steal the best ones from my room.   
JADE: or?   
JOHN: or i don't know but i wouldn't have been happy with you.

He sighs and lets go of your arm when he is sure that you are holding yourself up in the air. You appreciate that he waited until he was sure because you know for a fact that humans and lava do not mix. You both sit in the middle of the air and take a moment to wipe your glasses clean, because as soon as you arrived on LOHAC they fogged up because of the sudden temperature change. 

JADE: this is kind of funny john!!

He examines his glasses then returns them to his face, while opposite him, you do the same. 

JOHN: a little. not a lot! kind of like when a prank is set off by someone you didn't intend it for? because it's still a funny prank but the person you meant it for never got pranked so it's not exactly what you hoped for.   
JADE: i should hope that you didnt want the car to land in lava!!   
JOHN: i would have had to clone another one eventually, anyway.   
JOHN: we don't exactly have any gas but the car in the captcha had a full tank.   
JADE: maybe next time we should just go to lowas again   
JOHN: we could go to lofaf.   
JADE: can you drive a car in the mud??   
JOHN: yeah, there's no reason you can't. unless it's like, a lot of mud.   
JADE: no i meant can you drive a car in the mud?  
JADE: as in you john!!  
JADE: because i think it sounds like it will be dangerous!   
JOHN: more dangerous than dropping us over lava on lohac?   
JADE: it was one time!!!   
JOHN: jade i can still see half the car, and it's on fire. it's sticking out of the lava right there and it is very much on fire. look at the fire jade, look at it and tell me that was a good idea!

The car is on fire. You can see it being on fire in the lava and you're not sure what John wants you to say because it's not like you can take it back out of the lava without setting something else on alight, and you are certain that being on fire tends to damage cars beyond repair anyway. 

JOHN: dammit!   
JADE: what now??   
JOHN: that cd was autographed!   
JADE: are you kidding me???

You almost died. You probably would have come back to life but you're not sure that you want to really test out your regenerative powers after falling into lava. It was an accident, of course it was, because neither of you have been to LOHAC in over a year and you think it is reasonable to have forgotten how little terrain there is on Dave's planet. But John is still sitting mid-air with a pissed off look on his face, and that's exactly the kind of thing that pisses you off. It was a mistake. He makes mistakes all the time. He's allowed to get tangled up in his hood and fall down three flights of stairs and say it was a joke to scare you, but the second you accidentally almost send yourself and your brother to your deaths in a flaming pile of car, it's the biggest deal in the world!

So you reach out and then suddenly the car is back up in the air again, still on fire and dripping rapidly cooling lava back into the red ocean. John screams a little bit and shoots off to the left because he doesn't know what else to do, but you don't think he's ever really had anyone, let alone his sister, try to hit him with a flaming, half-melted car before. 

JADE: youre welcome to reach in there and get your damn cds if you want!!!!   
JOHN: no i'm okay!!!!!!!!   
JADE: are you sure???   
JOHN: very sure!

So you throw the car aside again and you both, wordlessly, watch it fall for a second time. It's not as dramatic as you'd hoped it would be because the car kind of squelches against the lava and there aren't any explosions, but you think he got the message. You growl at him just to make sure. 

JOHN: can we go home?   
JADE: yes john we can go home

You hold out a hand and he accepts, the pair of you watching as LOHAC shrinks back into the palm of your hand leaving you standing back on the deck of the ship. You kind of want to remind John that you told him, way back before you even managed to start the car, that something bad was going to happen, but at the same time it wasn't really that bad. You really had a nice time until the lava. You think he did too because even though you did just try to hit him with a car that was on fire, he's grinning. 

JOHN: hey jade.   
JADE: what john??   
JOHN: i totally just drove my dad's car with a fake licence.   
JADE: that was a fake???   
JOHN: hahaha. how cool was that though? i mean, i drove!   
JADE: it was pretty cool!!   
JOHN: have i ever actually told you how smart you are? because i couldn't have started it like that on my own.   
JADE: you have but usually you say it in a kind of mean way??   
JOHN: no i don't.   
JADE: yes you do!   
JOHN: okay, sorry. i didn't mean to sound like that. but really. you're smart and i mean, really smart. even if you do kind of need to wash your hair.   
JADE: bark bark!!   
JOHN: okay, okay. maybe you just don't need to wash your hair or something. is girl hair different?   
JADE: yes john girl hair is magical and it always smells like waterfalls!!   
JOHN: what does a waterfall smell like?   
JADE: wet?   
JOHN: huh.   
JADE: bet you didnt see that one coming!!   
JOHN: i kind of did.  
JOHN: okay, what should we do now?   
JADE: i dont know!  
JADE: but maybe i should choose because you were the one who chose to go to lohac!!   
JOHN: but you dropped us in lava!   
JADE: not on purpose!!!  
JADE: it was a mistake!   
JOHN: can we just do something safe that doesnt involve lava?   
JADE: well most things dont involve lava john so that still leaves a lot of things we can do!   
JOHN: bluh.   
JOHN: can we practice that magic trick, you know, the one i asked you to help me with?   
JADE: youre not going to saw me in half john!!!   
JOHN: but you dont really get cut in half, i told you that!!!!!!!!   
JADE: not that   
JOHN: please?   
JADE: no!!   
JOHN: please????????   
JADE: BARK!   
JOHN: okay jeez! maybe i'll just ask nanna to show me that trick with the pies again.   
JADE: no more pranks today!!!   
JOHN: no, the pies. how she makes the pastry do that thing.   
JADE: oh  
JADE: that sounds kind of delicious!

This time, it's John who holds out a hand and when he does you know what's coming because you know your brother. He's already hovering a few inches off the ground and as soon as his fingers close around yours, you're both up in the air and speeding across the deck and you're screaming and John is laughing because whenever you fly like this you don't change anything with your own powers. One time you'd widened a doorway to make sure nothing bad happened and he got upset because you didn't trust him. 

He's forgotten the lava by the time you both reach the kitchen, where you drop to the floor in a pile of giggles to catch your breath because even though you do trust him it is still nerve-wracking to tear through corridors faster than he was driving the car earlier. But eventually you both manage to clamber up to the table and into chairs where there's cake waiting, because of course there's cake waiting. 

NANNASPRITE: So Davesprite tells me that you two took the car out this morning.

Across from you, John chokes on his cake.


End file.
